We all mourn definitely and cope definitely. We don’t always handle situations the same and we don’t always understand what someone is going through. For me, I have attended a fair number of funerals within my 25 years of life. My father passed away at a young age, I was seven. He battled cancer, I watched him go through rounds of chemo, lose weight, lose hair, and suffer in extreme pain. I watched my mom become a widow and raise three children after he passed. She has done an amazing job. I know that the past couple of weeks since J has passed have brought back many memories for her (and me). She has been my support and always my best friend. I know it was hard for her to watch me plan a funeral, say a final goodbye and to not always understand why things happen.
When my father passed, I didn’t know how to cope. I didn’t know what to do, granted, I was only seven. Now as an adult, I look back and think about how I made it through. How I overcame that tragedy. It is sad for me to say but the easiest thing for me to do was forget, to try to erase the memories. That is what I did. I don’t remember a lot from when I was younger because of that. I know that I had a good childhood, that we were taken care of and had what we needed and more. I was reminded again of why I try to forget and erase memories, because it’s painful and it hurts. Tonight has been one of those nights, rough and hard. My heart hurts. The difference here is that I have daily and constant reminders of J. I have a son who looks just like his dad. Those three displayed American folded flags for me and my two boys are a constant reminder. When baby G sees his picture and says “Daddy”. For my MIL, she finds it easier to cope having those things; pictures, memories, etc. For me, it seems harder.
And that is exactly what I am going to do. Pray and overcome.